I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
