I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My ass is underappreciated
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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