If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
