Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
