Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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