Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize