my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
