everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
