What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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