just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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