You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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