this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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