I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
