I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
