I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
