I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
