i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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