break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
