didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
