Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
