in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
