you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
