So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize