I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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