So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
