I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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