Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
