Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
