No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
