saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
