omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
