I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
