the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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