on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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