ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
