I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
