Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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