soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
