Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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