if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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