hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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