I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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