I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize