That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
