I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
