If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
