the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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