You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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