I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a search helicopter?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
