I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
