Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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