professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
