May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
