Can Purell be used as lube?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
God, I missed his penis.
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