I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
