ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
