Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
