My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
