Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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