who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
