It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
