Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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