The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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