In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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