TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
