one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
