Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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