pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
