I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
