i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
