margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
