I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
