Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
