"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
