after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
