just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
