I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
