I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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