Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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