I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
