Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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