my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
