I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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