Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
