You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
