just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
