the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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