Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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