My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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