In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
