I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
