come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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