I will die if light touches me.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
