Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Holy shit dude........stairs
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