Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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