dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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