Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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