I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
