I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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