Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
