what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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