guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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