did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
