i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
