Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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