I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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