I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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