i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
