and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
