Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize