that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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