Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize