Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
