My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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