He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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