so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
